I won't be writing as many articles over the next several months to a year,
or more. I have no idea. I need time for myself. I have worked night and day
on my ministry for the past 19 years. I'm simply burned out. I need to spend
some time on bettering myself. I have been lifting some weights, eating a
mostly vegetarian diet. I am not becoming a vegetarian, but I am losing
weight fast by doing so. That is, I'm eating low calorie density foods. I'm
losing about 1-2 pounds a week. I'm doing what is called “recomposition”
(reducing body fat and building lean muscle). I have strong stomach muscles,
they're just covered in fat. It's a new hobby and one that I need.
I need a church family and a wife, which means I need to move back to the United States. I know I'm a terrific guy, but Guam is a dead end. I am preparing to move, hopefully by the end of the summer (if I can keep my sanity that long...lol). The sooner I leave the better. The more time that passes, the more I want to just leave. This COVID-19 pandemic nonsense (I haven't seen one sick person since this scare started in January of 2020) is making everyone uneasy, so I am not in a hurry to jump from the frying pan into the fire. I am taking my time, but getting closer each day. I just bought a new travel suitcase for taking on the airplane.
I am tired in my soul and need a break, a long break. I'm still researching where to move. I know lots of places where I'd like to live, but cannot afford to live there, so I have to settle for something that is a compromise. I'd live in California, Colorado or some nice towns in North Carolina or Tennessee if I could. Nashville is too pricey. Franklin is way out of my budget. Cary, North Carolina is nice but pricey. California has some beautiful places. I also love the emphasis on healthy living. Coloradans eat 12% of all vegetables in the United States. So I have to keep looking for where to move. I like Texas too! Home is where I hang my hat. I am happy in my life, just missing a wife. One thing I have painfully learned along life's way is that NO ONE gives a damn. At the end of the day, I am on my own, and if anything good is ever going to happen I have to make it happen. I have spent my whole life trying to make other people happy, and I am thankful to help others, but someone needs to take care of David, and I'm the only one to do it.
I haven't felt this good in a long time, despite my chronic neck pain that nothing helps. The pain medications are so helpful, giving me some form of life. People can say what they want about Oxycontin, but it really helps me and is a blessing. But I don't drink alcohol, and I take my medications as my doctor prescribes, so they work well for me. Anyway, I had a protein shake this morning. I worked out and had another protein shake. I have 3 protein drinks on the 2 days a week I lift weights. My neck won't let me do more than that. I came home and ate a whole tray of Pete's greenhouse salad with a fresh diced tomato. I also ate some fresh greenbeans that I cut and boiled. I use 50 calories of dressing (1 Tbsp). I bought a bunch of vegetables today. I ate one of the kiwi's I bought. I made dry cooked beans yesterday and ate some of them at 3 pm with 2 fillets of broiled fish. I mix the protein powder with eggs in a carton, unsweetened almond milk, with a dash of cinnamon and nutmeg (homemade eggnog). That is my drink before going to bed tonight. One shake provides 40 grams of protein, 10 grams fat and is about 250 calories total. The driver's window fell down in my Honda's door today, so I have to get it fixed early next week. I now have no window!
I need a break from my ministry or I will break. I am getting ready to move this summer back to the United States. There is nothing for me here on Guam. I have been lonely long enough. I need a girlfriend, and hopefully she'll marry me if we like each other. I am presently looking at Texas, Tennessee and North Carolina, but only God knows where I may end up, Lord willing. I haven't written a blog for nearly a month. I wrote them all months ago, up until August. When they run out, I won't be writing as much. I need to focus on my life. I have given myself away, and given myself away, and given myself away, and I am all alone and without a life. I am not complaining, but no one is coming to rescue me. As I type the sharp razorblade-like pain is bad radiating down my right arm. I am generally healthy but my neck is messed up. I have burning pain in my neck all the time. That's the best way I can describe it. God is always good. I have no complaints. I just can't keep spending hours a day in front of my computer, with no companionship, and no Christian friends to love. Internet friends are a blessing, but I need to see and be around actual people.
I have to make changes or nothing will change. I have spent so much time online that I have developed a nearsighted condition in my eyes. That is common for people who work at a desk in front of a computer. The cure is to get out and stretch the eyes, looking in the distance. My eyesight seems to have improved a bit since I am taking better care of myself, but I have difficulty identifying people's faces at a distance. I can see them, but not make out their faces. I often wave at people who wave at me, and I have no idea who they are...lol.
I am taking control of my life with
God's help. I cannot continue to spend 6 to 8 hours a day staring into a
computer screen for my ministry. So for those who love me and understand, I
have no intentions of quitting. I just renewed my VPS webhosting plan for
another year for $600. I've worked too hard to just let it all go, but my
blogs and 'Recent' webpage will be limited. If I have something to say, I
will say it (I always do...lol). Lord willing, I still plan to keep my
Recent webpage going, but I likely won't be posting 5 articles a day. I
will write or post things when I can, and as God lays upon my heart. I truly
love everybody with God's unconditional love, whoever you may be. Moving is
going to be overwhelming for me, and I need to move. It is not good for me
to be alone. The people I know who are single and alone and not doing very
well either. I need someone to love, a wife.
I Am Taking Better Care Of My Health
I have been tired and emotionally down for a long time. For the past 17 years I have struggled every day with constant burning neck pain and cervical tension since 2004. My prescription pain meds help a lot. I haven't taken care of myself, gaining most of the 70 pounds of weight back that I lost in 2017. My diet was all wrong then. I didn't know what I know now. I went from 215 pounds (full stomach) down to 145 (empty stomach), maintaining 155-160 for 1 1/2 years. I was depressed that I couldn't find a wife and stopped trying to fight the calories. In hindsight, I now realize that my diet was all wrong. I should have been eating a high protein diet, with minimal carbohydrates and moderate fat. Now my diet is right, but I am at 185.0 pounds today. I was 208 pounds 6 months ago. I've lost a lot of weight by eating right.
I have been drinking a couple Whey Protein Isolate shakes daily. Protein prevents muscle loss while losing fat, and provides building materials for new muscle. I bought some plant based foods today also, to try them. I cannot believe how realistic the plant-based chicken is. It actually tastes good, and provides 50 grams of protein per 350 calories. It has no cholesterol. When I lost 70 pounds in 2017 my sugar and blood pressure became perfect at 5.2 A1c and 120/70, but my cholesterol went through the roof, even at 150 pounds. That is because I was eating meat, of the very little food that I did eat. Now I am pigging out on salads, beans and vegetables. I try to drink one protein shake a day if I can, because it's always best to eat real foods. Adding soy-based chicken is a good way to do that, without eating too much meat. But I still love my baked boneless and skinless chicken thighs! I bake the whole bag at once, and eat them during the week with other foods. I like to put the plant-based chicken on my salads. This diet is really working to lose weight!
Supplements (like protein powder) are called “supplements” for a good reason, because they are not intended to substitute for eating a healthy well balanced meal each day. I ate a handful of blueberries for breakfast yesterday. I had a handful of fresh blackberries too. I also ate a banana. Green bananas are more healthy, because they have less sugar and more nutrients. When they turn yellow and start to darken, they get real sugary and have less nutrients. I have been eating a new kind of fish this week, from Cost-U-Less (if you live on Guam), which is now my favorite fish of all... barramundi (sea bass). I bought 4 bags! I love this stuff! Wow, it is so delicious. There's no bones (I won't eat bony fish). I bake my fish. I smother the fish with Emery's Cajun spice. I often eat fish with a box of leaf spinach or mixed veggies of some sort. Just one fillet of barramundi fish has 23 grams of protein, and 100 calories. So I eat 2 of them in one meal. I love Greek yogurt for a snack. That's 11 more grams of protein and only 130 calories. So eating like this, I get plenty of nutrients, and a good calorie deficit to lose weight. I've been buying Pete's greens in a sealed container. I eat the whole container in one meal, with 1 measured Tablespoon of low calorie dressing. The entire salad is only about 70 calories!
The key to recomposition is to allow myself enough TIME to see visible results (6-12 months), and CONSISTENCY (recompositioning is 75% diet). Anyway, I need to start taking better care of myself, or I won't be able to help anybody. Eating better, exercise and getting out in nature helps my overall wellbeing. My neck pain is always bad. It never goes away. Nothing makes it stop. I have burning throughout my nerves. My wrong attitude for many years was: “What's the use of taking care of myself?” Since no amount of effort to improve my health will take away my Cervical Degenerative Disk Disease (stenosis and radiculopathy), it discouraged me overall to even try. But I have a different attitude in recent years, realizing the importance and benefit of taking care of myself.
The cool thing about the way I am losing weight now is that I CAN eat a bunch of great foods, versus starving myself as I did in 2017 to lose 70 pounds. People who starve themselves to lose weight gain it all back over 90% of the time! I am actually eating like a king, and losing weight, by eating low calorie density foods and a higher fiber and protein diet. I avoided beans all my life because I thought they gave you an upset stomach, but that is only for people who are not used to eating them. Once you incorporate them into your diet, after a couple weeks there is no discomfort. I also soak them in water for 12 hours and replaced the water before cooking them, which does wonders. I mentioned the beans because they are a low calorie density food. You can eat beans all day and you won't get fat, because they will fill you up before you eat too much.
After learning in 2015 that I had an A1C sugar level of 9.8 (stage 4
diabetic), I started the slow process of thinking differently. So by 2017 I
decided to lose a bunch of weight, and I did. Unfortunately I didn't know
what I was doing and lost a bunch of muscle too. I didn't eat hardly any
protein during the 4 months that I crash fasted. If I had eaten protein, I
never would have made it down to 145 pounds, but I would have been ripped
(muscles showing). I am definitely not a health
expert, but Paul
Revela is, and I've watched over 100 YouTube videos this month to learn
from Jeff Nippard,
Jeff Cavaliere and
Will Tennyson.
I am learning all my stuff from them,
if anyone is interested along with me. God created man in His 3-fold image.
Man is a spirit, soul and body. Sitting in front of a computer screen all
day is not good for the soul or the body. These health changes in my life
are long overdue, and I plan to keep doing this for the rest of my life.
I Cannot Help Others If I Am Not Well
Having said that, I have felt burned out lately emotionally. I haven't been answering Facebook messages, simply because I can only do so much. I receive hundreds of e-mails (which I am thankful for). That is why I am here, as a servant of the Lord, to help others freely who have questions about life, the Bible or whatever. I don't know everything, but I have learned a thing or two in my life's journey at age 54. God willing, I intend to continue writing for my blogs, but the articles will be fewer. I have already prewritten blog articles, scheduled for upload for my 'David J. Stewart' and 'Gift Of Eternal Life' blogs. I haven't written any new blogs for the past couple weeks, they were all written months ago. I'll still be writing articles, but fewer most likely. One day at a time.
Right now I just feel overwhelmed with
everything. I don't have any local Christian friends. As much as I love and
appreciate my ministry internet friends across the world, that is not flesh
and blood. I am interacting with a plastic keyboard, mouse and radiating
screen. That is not a life. My eyes have gone nearsighted in recent years
because I have spent so much time working on my ministry. I watched a
special on YouTube, where researchers tried to figure out why so many South
Korean children need to wear glasses for being nearsighted. They learned
that it is because children spend so much time learning, and not enough time
playing in the great outdoors, where their eyes get stretched from looking
far away. So I have been trying to stretch my eyes lately by looking farther
away at the horizon. We all need to get out into nature. Being outdoors is a
natural cure for depression. Everyone needs some sunshine.
I Am Done With Trying To Get Harvest To Care
Harvest Baptist Church on Guam has ostracized me since 2014, knowing that I am alone without a wife, suffering in neck pain, lonely without friends in church, and hurting as a broken sinner. Yet, they couldn't care less if I drop dead, kill myself or rot. They are academics (like Pastor Jack Hyles said), not church builders, so they lack compassion. Brother Hyles sure knew what he was talking about! These damned Bible colleges today are black holes, where students and money are sucked into them, but nothing worthwhile comes out. Evangelist Lester Roloff (1914-1982) saw this horrible trend in our Bible colleges in the 1970's...
“But you see, the attitude of this generation is: If you got a lot of education, Boy we've got it made! I mean that's it; I mean, you're just super-duper! ... Any kind of education that doesn't strengthen your faith in Jesus is an abomination!!! And the average college graduate comes out with less faith and less fire, than he had when he went in. I'm talking about in the Christian schools, in the seminaries, and in the Bible schools across this country; now that ought not be!” —Brother Lester Roloff, a needful quote from the MP3 sermon titled, “'THE LIVING BIBLE' EXPOSED!”
I tremendously love the folks at Harvest, but pride keeps them from doing the right thing. Harvest Baptist Church on Guam is the sad epitome of a lifeless church today, reproduced by the lifeless and loveless academics at Bob Jones University. All of the articles I have written stay written, as a testimony against them. If they had simply invited me back to church when I pleaded with them, all of this conflict would have been avoidable. Wicked men don't care! If ministry leaders show you that they don't care, believe them! Dr. Hyles often said that “Preaching is truth set on fire!” I love that. Harvest has no fire! BJU has no fire! Steve Pettit has no fire! Marty Herron has no fire! These zealous men have merely hijacked the institutions that fundamentalists built before them, stealing their ministries instead of building them. Brother, I've got FIRE!!! I might upset a bunch of people, but I have the fire of the truth and the Holy Spirit in my preaching of THE TRUTH! I love God, which is why I care. Right doctrine matters! I don't want to write about Harvest anymore, but the ONLY way that can happen is I need to move, so I can find a church family and hopefully a good wife.
Jesus said that out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaketh. I want to stop writing for the next several months, because all I can write about now is my pain in my soul, which Harvest's cruel rejection of me has caused since 2014. I have done nothing to them except befriend them with the truth. Only arrogant men, who are filled with sinful pride, berate and ostracize someone for telling the truth. I am part of the ME TOO! victims, abused for doing the right thing. God will judge between me and the Bob Jones crowd. We'll see if God authored more than one Bible. We'll see if Lordship Salvation is the SAME as the free grace Gospel. We'll see if Martin Luther (1483-1546) and his baptismal regeneration heresy are in Heaven. We'll see what God thinks about Harvest Baptist Church ostracizing and abusing me for the past several years, knowing that I am all alone without a church family. We'll find out what THE TRUTH is.
My regular web visitors know that I normally date articles 10 days into the future for my 'Recent' webpage. I do that to give me a mental buffer, so if I don't feel like writing or something comes up that prevents me from writing, I have a few days to catch up. I'm tired of pressuring myself to 'keep up' with everything. I need to back off and let things go for awhile. So you'll likely see some changes. I am letting you know upfront, as friends, so you won't wonder what's going on in the months ahead. I just need to start spending some time taking care of myself. I need a life. The folks at the Harvest Baptist Church on Guam run their ministry like a secular business, where people are mere customers, and compassion is not what they are about. A business exists solely to make money, to provide a service in exchange for funds, to provide employment, period. That is 100% the Harvest Baptist Church of Guam, a stinking business! The so-called makeshift “church” is a mere extension of their schools. Their main emphasis of their entire ministry is to prepare young people for college, to pursue a successful money-making career. Kindly said, Harvest Baptist Bible College and Harvest Baptist Academy are nothing more than money-making businesses.
I'm tired. My soul is tired. I don't have any local friends. That is why I have persistently preached against the Harvest Baptist Church of Guam, because they befriended me for the year of 2013-2014, but then dumped me like a hot potato when I shared THE TRUTH with them about the Devil's modern Bible revisions, and THE TRUTH about the Devil's lie of Lordship Salvation, and THE TRUTH about the Devil's lie of repentance (turning away from) from sins to be saved, and THE TRUTH that Martin Luther (1483-1546) was NOT a born-again believer because he added water baptism to faith. I am so sick of religious phonies. I can accept the biggest repentant sinner in a church, and forgive them 1,000 times with God's unconditional love; but when a group of Bob Jones University alumni snobs (Harvest Baptist Church on Guam), who think they are better than a sinner like me, yuppie type white jerks, who reject anybody who doesn't fit their clique profile, I have a big problem with that! Proverb 8:13, “The fear of the LORD is to hate evil: pride, and arrogancy, and the evil way, and the froward mouth, do I hate.”
Harvest's rotten pastors used the disagreement between the Apostle Paul and John Mark in the Bible as an example of why I am not allowed to attend church at Harvest. What horrible and incompetent pastors at Harvest, to say something retarded like that! Paul wasn't telling John Mark that he couldn't come to church anymore! Paul didn't want to rely upon John Mark on the mission field, because he had quit the first time. I didn't ask to work on staff at Harvest, I pleaded to attend church. To even dare to compare me to John Mark is like comparing the space shuttle to oranges! Harvest's pastors are incompetent, rotten, cruel, selfish, ungodly, uncaring, jerks! I'm talking about Marty Herron, Joe Hanson, Jared Baldwin and Gary Walton, to name but a few. Why should I show any respect toward a group of arrogant pastors, who disrespect my person, my opinion, my neck pain, my loneliness, my family and my right as a human being to hold my own opinion? It has grieved my heart these past several years because of Harvest's carnality—discouraging me to the point of wanting to quit serving God altogether—realizing just how calloused, insensitive, uncaring, immature, selfish, snobbish, mean, cultish and cliquish the entire rotten group at Harvest Baptist Church of Guam have become.
It's the Bob Jones University (BJU) crowd!!! Sadly, most of the BJU run churches are cults that report directly to the cult leader Steve Pettit. Colonial Hills Baptist Church in Indianapolis, Indiana, runs about 800 people each Sunday and has a big school as well. The school actually teaches Lordship Salvation. They direct all their students to BJU, Maranatha Baptist University or Faith Baptist Bible College And Theological Seminary (all Calvinist religious cults). Maranatha and Faith Baptist Bible College are just satellite campuses for the mothership BJU. If you were to remove BJU's controlling cult influence from the Harvest Baptist Church of Guam, the church would lose their focus, identity and support. I say the sooner the better!
Anyway, if I don't take a break I'll just walk away from everything. I have never made a single penny from my ministry, versus everyone else that I expose who ALL GET PAID extremely well money. Christianity has deteriorated into a stinking business in America. No matter how loving, generous and kind I have been toward Harvest Baptist Church on Guam, I get hated in return. As long as Harvest is bringing in the money, they couldn't care less about hurting people like me. I need to leave Guam. It seems like I can help everybody except myself. I need to get my life back together. It won't happen overnight. I need a year or two to resituate and get resettled, and hopefully find a church family and a loyal wife who won't abandon me and quit like my first wife did in 2006. I am taking better care of my health, preparing to move. I am doing the best I know how with God's help, always LOOKING TO JESUS (Hebrews 12:2), the blessed Author and Finisher of our faith. I love that Bible verse! My faith is strong, but my neck hurts badly all the time, my heart is broken, my life is empty and I need time for myself. I love you all, whoever you may be. Jesus is precious!
