The Woman's Role in Marriage
By David J. Stewart
“Even as Sara obeyed Abraham, calling him lord: whose daughters ye are, as long as ye do well...” —1st Peter 3:6
I wish it were a crime for churches to interfere in people's marriages, because a lot of pastors and pastor's wives would be in prison today. Church people will ruin your marriage faster than the heathens down at the local tavern. I've seen it happen again and again. There is a cocky arrogance in many of our churches today, where people view the pastor as a type of god, where whatever he says is law, and his wife is a feminist in sheep's clothing. This is tragic. The Authority of the Church is the Word of God; and not the pastor. Such pastors feel they have a right to advice women in their church to go against their husband's decisions. A perfect example is church attendance. I know of numerous Baptist pastors who teach that a wife should go to church, even if her husband says “no.” This is rebellion on the part of the wife.
I recently read an excellent book, THE WOMAN'S ROLE, by Pastor Curtis Hutson (who followed in Dr. John R. Rice's footsteps as editor of the Sword of the Lord). On January 3rd, 1981, Dr. Hutson became Editor, President, and Director of Sword Conferences until his death in March 1995. Thank God for the faithful Christian testimony of such men!
Following below is a quote from Dr. Hutson's book that I agree with 100%. Pastor Hutson teaches that a wife should stay home from church if her husband tells her to. I know this may harelip every dog in the county; but it is Biblical. Before God ever created a church, a family, or kids—He created the MARRIAGE!
Here are the dear words of a great man of God, Dr. Curtis Hutson...
You are not responsible for how your husband plays his role, but you are responsible for how well you play your role. You are to show the world the relationship of the church of Christ, and your part is to make the church look best you can. It is the husband's part to make Christ look as good to the world as he can by playing the part of Christ.
You say, "What if he doesn't try very hard? What if he messes up? What if he gives me a tough time? You mean I still have to play my role?" Yes.
The Holy Spirit says, "Wives, submit yourselves unto your own husbands, as unto the Lord. For the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church: and he is the saviour of the body. Therefore as the church is subject unto Christ. so let the wives be to their own husbands in every thing."
She says, "In every thing?"
"Yes, every thing."
I made a mistake as a young pastor that I corrected later. I told a lady, when her husband told her not to go to church, "You just tell him you are going to church anyway. You are going to live for God." I gave her unscriptural advice. You are to be to your husband what the church is to Christ—submissive, obedient. (emphasis added)
It is like buttoning up a shirt—if you get one button right, you get the rest right. If you get your role right and keep it right, no matter how much pressure comes—and you can believe there is going to be pressure--it will work out right. A preacher once said, "Do good and it will be good."
Did you know the whole life is pressure? You are like a vessel on a potter's wheel. God is forming your life, and He makes you form the pressures that come to your life. When you say, "I do," and the curtain goes up, it is like getting inside a pressure cooker...
Submission is a right attitude, recognizing that the husband is the head. That doesn't mean the wife can't make suggestions--that she can't tell him what she wants. But the husband is to lead the home, and he is make the final decision.
Someone says, "Now, wait a minute. I have said, 'I do,' The drama is on. I know my role. Now, what is my husband's role?"
Well, if he were here, I would tell him. I might say that his script is a little longer than yours, a little more detailed. But there is no need to talk about him; he is not here. Your role is to be submissive. Look at Titus 2. Your role is to love your husband. Your role is to be discrete, chaste, keepers at home. Did you know a woman's home is her career? It should be...
I must confess I have not been as much like Christ as I wanted to be. I must confess I haven't tried very hard at times. It is easy to forget your role. When your husband asks you to do something, it is easy to say, "Do it yourself. I am not your slave." Remember, you are not playing the role of the church when you do that.
SOURCE (Chapter 3 of Dr. Curtis Hutson's excellent book, The Woman's Role).
I don't think much more needs to be said... Pastor Hutson is 100% Biblically correct.
"The Woman's Role" Booklets ($0.60 from the Sword of the Lord)